


The Closest Thing

by lady_ragnell



Series: Pornathon Entries 2012 [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fuck Or Die, M/M, Team Gluttony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-30
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-08 21:43:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/447873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_ragnell/pseuds/lady_ragnell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>If Merlin doesn’t get what he most desires by sunset, he’ll die. And what he most desires--what he’s always desired--is Arthur’s love. This is just the closest approximation the curse can require.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Closest Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "Give Some Fucks (or Die)" challenge for summerpornathon 2012 (week 2). Came in first in its group!

Merlin orders everyone to keep it from Arthur, but it’s no surprise when the king shows up on his doorstep. “Leon says Morgana enchanted you,” he starts, arms crossed, scowl in place.

“I’ll fix it faster if you leave me be.” Merlin turns away, leaves the door open for Arthur to come in since he’ll do it anyway.

“He wouldn’t tell me more, but Gwaine did. He said you’ll die if I don’t … Merlin.” Arthur gusts out a sigh. “Would you _look at me_?”

“No.” How could he possibly meet Arthur’s eyes? If Merlin doesn’t get what he most desires by sunset, he’ll die. And what he most desires--what he’s always desired--is Arthur’s love. This is just the closest approximation the curse can require. “I’ll find another way..”

“You don’t need to.”

Merlin winces, because that’s Morgana’s plan. To poison Merlin’s most secret desire by letting him have it because Arthur feels obligated by duty or friendship and not because he really wants it. “Arthur--”

“Merlin.” Merlin dares a glance to see Arthur using the same expression he uses whenever he’s about to do something noble and self-sacrificing for Merlin. It’s a very specific expression, and means he’s going to be stubborn. “Please. Let me do this for you. It won’t hurt us, nothing has to change.”

He will never, never be strong enough to say no to Arthur, not when Merlin already wants it so badly that it’s going to kill him. “There are potions,” he says, hating this, hating himself. “That can make you … want me. For a little while.”

“I don’t need them.” Merlin chokes out a laugh, shakes his head. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t a hardship. I promise. Say yes.” Arthur pauses. “Or if you say no, don’t do it for my sake.”

The humiliation burns Merlin’s throat. “Don’t pity me, I won’t--”

“We only have two hours till sunset,” Arthur interrupts. “That’s not long enough to argue about this. Let’s just do it, and we can talk after, you can blather about pride and pity until you go blue, but you’ve got to be alive.”

Merlin swallows and turns away to grapple his shirt off. “Okay.”

“Merlin.” Arthur’s voice is so gentle it _hurts_. “At least in your bed.”

That’s practical, even if it will be harder to keep his barriers up with Arthur treating him like a lover. Merlin slips into his bedroom and strips there, ignoring the way Arthur trails after him and the unhappy noise he makes when Merlin flops belly-down in his bed and holds out the bottle of oil he keeps under his pillow for the rare occasions when he has guests. “Come on.”

“Don’t be a martyr. Turn over.” He can’t yield on this, knows he won’t be able to stand the absent look on Arthur’s face while he drives his cock inside Merlin and thinks of someone else, so he stays where he is and listens to the sigh and rustle of cloth that means Arthur’s stripping too. A minute later, there’s a hand at Merlin’s shoulder, and Merlin shrugs it off, then throws it off with magic when Arthur tries again. “I want to see your face,” whispers Arthur, and Merlin was always going to give him everything, wasn’t he?

Every time Merlin tries another measure to guard his heart, Arthur ruins it. He captures Merlin’s lips and kisses him gently, he runs his hands down Merlin’s sides, he smiles every time Merlin touches him and ignores Merlin’s pleas to go rougher, faster, to get it _over_ with. He’s expert stretching Merlin open, and he’s patient when Merlin needs to adjust, and, most devastatingly, when Arthur fucks him just as well as Merlin always knew he would, his eyes stay locked on Merlin’s the whole time.

Arthur spends first and pulls Merlin into his lap to finish him, Merlin squirming and gasping until he comes with a wordless shout that was almost Arthur’s name. They stay close, breathing hard, as Merlin checks to make sure Morgana’s spell is gone. “Okay?” Arthur asks after a minute, probably noticing his gold eyes, and Merlin nods, mute. “We should--”

_Talk,_ he’s going to say, and Merlin can’t bear Arthur’s pity with Arthur’s come still drying inside him. “No,” he says, high and panicky, and clutches at Arthur’s shoulder, wanting him to understand and wishing he wouldn’t. As long as they don’t talk about it, he can almost pretend.

After a second, Arthur wraps around him, tentative but strong, and Merlin doesn’t understand the catch in his voice when he says “We’ll wait, then. We’ve got time.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] The Closest Thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1735259) by [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




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